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What Apple Users Need To Know About iOS 7

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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What Apple Users Need To Know About iOS 7

Yesterday, Apple officially released iOS 7, the latest update to its mobile operating system that runs the iPhone and iPad. Here’s what’s new about iOS 7:

  • One new pixel
  • Accessible new Control Center window allows flyers to more easily pretend to turn on Airplane Mode before takeoff
  • More immersive storyline
  • Cool new ringtone shouts, "Say, friend! Someone seems to be calling you on your sleek new iOS 7 device!"
  • Lives inside the phone
  • Comes with Tom Skerritt’s home phone number
  • Redesign makes the interface simpler and easier to use, although Apple officials have stressed that it does not take an experience people love and make it better
  • Calendar app includes three new months
  • Even more phantom vibrations
  • 12 preloaded pictures of hats
  • Has none of the features iOS 8 will have
  • It's got new icons—that's actually all that's new, sorry

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