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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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What Cost The Democrats Massachusetts?

Though it was considered a foregone conclusion that the seat would remain in Democratic hands, Republican Scott Brown surprised everyone by winning the Senate seat left vacant by the death of Ted Kennedy. Here are some of the reasons pundits are giving for the defeat:

  • Thrill-seeking Massachusetts residents had never seen a Republican in real life, let alone voted for one
  • Brown created 25 local jobs by keeping his pickup truck in tip-top shape
  • 95% of voters recalled a friendly classmate from some point in elementary school named Scott Brown
  • In an embarrassing incident, Coakley accidentally called Curt Schilling a "Yankee fan," Larry Bird a "Lakers fan," Tom Brady a "Colts fan," and the late Ted Kennedy a "brain cancer fan"
  • Press photos of Brown in a hard hat outnumbered those of Coakley in a hard hat by a staggering five-to-one margin
  • Most Democrats stayed home during the election to sew hemp necklaces and fix their solar-powered roofs
  • Voters finally getting around to condemning Kennedy for Chappaquiddick
  • Coakley's cranial circumference fell far short of what Massachusetts voters have come to expect from a senator
  • Massive cultural and political shift to the left did not actually happen

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