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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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What Cost The Democrats Massachusetts?

Though it was considered a foregone conclusion that the seat would remain in Democratic hands, Republican Scott Brown surprised everyone by winning the Senate seat left vacant by the death of Ted Kennedy. Here are some of the reasons pundits are giving for the defeat:

  • Thrill-seeking Massachusetts residents had never seen a Republican in real life, let alone voted for one
  • Brown created 25 local jobs by keeping his pickup truck in tip-top shape
  • 95% of voters recalled a friendly classmate from some point in elementary school named Scott Brown
  • In an embarrassing incident, Coakley accidentally called Curt Schilling a "Yankee fan," Larry Bird a "Lakers fan," Tom Brady a "Colts fan," and the late Ted Kennedy a "brain cancer fan"
  • Press photos of Brown in a hard hat outnumbered those of Coakley in a hard hat by a staggering five-to-one margin
  • Most Democrats stayed home during the election to sew hemp necklaces and fix their solar-powered roofs
  • Voters finally getting around to condemning Kennedy for Chappaquiddick
  • Coakley's cranial circumference fell far short of what Massachusetts voters have come to expect from a senator
  • Massive cultural and political shift to the left did not actually happen

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