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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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What Does College Tuition Money Pay For?

The average cost of tuition and room and board at a four-year private university in the U.S. has risen to $39,518 annually. Here is a breakdown of where that money goes:

  • $250: Omnipresent collegiate scent
  • $40: Ream of diploma paper
  • $2,543: Laundry facilities capable of handling constant, round-the-clock loads of pajama pants
  • $25: Credit check
  • $5,000: Morgan Spurlock appearance fee
  • $0.15: Student mental health services
  • $4.40: You think all those comedy hypnotists are stopping by out of the kindness of their hearts?
  • $250: Quills
  • $8,000: Standard wasted money fee
  • $29,000: Big tall clock that goes “ding”
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