adBlockCheck

What Is ISIS?

Top Headlines

International

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

What Is ISIS?

The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, a formerly al-Qaeda–aligned organization known by the acronym ISIS, has been seizing cities in Iraq, carrying out mass killings, and marching toward Baghdad. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about the Sunni Islamist militant group that is suddenly at the forefront of international news:

  • Origin Story: Founded in garage of aspiring jihadist and college dropout Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
  • Common Tactics: Catch international community off guard with a series of escalating attacks over the course of three years
  • Battle-Hardenedness: 8.5 out of 10
  • Presence: Iraq, Syria, Turkey, CNN Homepage
  • Greatest Inspiration: Past 1,300 years of sectarian violence in region
  • Preferred Execution Method: Summary
  • Key Recruiting Pitch: Large, supportive alumni network
  • Interpretation Of Quran: Way off
  • Requirements For New Members: Single-minded obsession with pan-national Islamic state; $159 one-time registration fee
  • Ultimate Goal: Improve U.S.–Iran relations by uniting both nations against common enemy
  • Threat Posed: Could undermine stability of Iraq

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close