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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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What Privileges Do Student-Athletes Receive?

This week’s revelation that the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill inflated grades for thousands of athletes has shed light on the advantages that many college sports stars are given over other students. Here are some of the benefits and perks that student-athletes receive at colleges around the nation:

  • Athlete mentorship programs that pair freshmen with older student-athletes who already have experience getting out of sexual assault charges
  • Unlimited access to academic support services they have no reason to use
  • At many Division I schools, personal tutors are assigned to each student-athlete to supply them with free urine samples
  • Early registration times allow scholar-athletes to enroll in the most in-demand fluff courses
  • At Ohio State, athletes receive complimentary transportation to and from crime scenes
  • An equitable percentage of the billions of dollars of revenue generated by collegiate athletics
  • Little bit of exercise
  • At the United States Military Academy, all student-athletes are offered guaranteed employment after graduation
  • It is a privilege every time a University of Georgia football player puts on a jersey to represent those colors on the gridiron
  • The possibility that, after four years of hard work and sacrifice, they might have the opportunity to be cut by the Jacksonville Jaguars during the second week of training camp
  • Athletes at the University of Pennsylvania are granted unlimited access to the school’s private collection of Benjamin Franklin quotes
  • A few athletic programs across the country allow athletes to attend lectures and complete course assignments, usually resulting in a college degree

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