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Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
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What Is A Super PAC?

The result of two controversial 2010 federal court cases removing traditional restrictions on political action committee spending, super PACs are expected to have a significant influence on the results of the 2016 elections.
Here is everything you need to know about super PACs:

Q: What is a political action committee?
A: A PAC is a living, breathing organism that is capable of swallowing hundreds of millions of dollars and giving birth to a single American leader.

Q: What is the purpose of super PACs?
A: To counteract the excessive influence ordinary voters exert on U.S. elections.

Q: Who can contribute to a super PAC?
A: Any entity ranging in size from a small packaged foods conglomerate to a giant telecommunications conglomerate.

Q: Is there a limit to the amount of money that can be donated to a political action committee?
A: Donations are strictly limited to the amount of money the donor possesses.

Q: What do super PACs spend their money on?
A: Selflessly ensuring that voters are as informed as possible about why Assemblyman Michael Evans is the wrong choice for Albany.

Q: Isn’t it true that super PACs drown out the voices of everyday Americans with their narrow, self-serving messages, effectively crippling the democratic process and reinforcing a vicious cycle in which all politicians are beholden to multimillionaires and merely feign interest in the working and middle classes in a cynical attempt to clinch their election and advance the interests of the country’s moneyed elite, further dividing a crumbling nation already hopelessly mired in inequality?
A: No.

Q: What is the difference between a PAC and a super PAC?
A: A one-vote margin in the Supreme Court.

Q: How much does the average super PAC spend?
A: There’s no reason to ruin the rest of your afternoon learning this.

Q: What are some of the more influential super PACs?
A: Americans for America, Bucks for Bernie, Appetite for Destruction.

Q: How can I donate to a super PAC?
A: Don’t worry, they’re not for you.

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