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What The Average Funeral Costs

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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What The Average Funeral Costs

Funeral-related expenses have tripled over the past 25 years to upwards of $6,000 per ceremony, leaving many families struggling to afford the cost of burying a loved one. Here is what the average family spends on a funeral:

  • Graveside catering: $3,000
  • Rights to Psalm 118: $75
  • Urn with “#1 Dad” engraved on side: $400
  • Embalming: $99 per limb
  • Fee for nurse to perform last minute pulse check before sealing casket lid: $5
  • Brother’s speaking fee: $400
  • Electric anti-gopher fence: $699
  • Extra-brawny pallbearers capable of lifting 310-pound corpse: $15 per hour
  • Paying off the mistress: $10,000
  • Closure: $2,482.30

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