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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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What The Average Teen Spends On Prom

The cost of going to prom is predicted to be nearly $1,000 this year, with teens and their families spending enormous amounts of money on formal wear, limousines, post-dance parties, and more. Here’s a breakdown of what the average teen spends on prom:

  • $430: Plane ticket back from college for reluctant boyfriend
  • $40: Charge for photo with vice principal
  • $3,000,000,000: Development of technologies advanced enough to host under-the-sea prom
  • $35: $10 dinner
  • $75: Prom vaccinations
  • $315: Formal retainer
  • $80: Babysitter
  • $50: Tribute payment to prom king
  • $120: Hotel room with twin beds so teen and date can get some rest
  • A lifetime of regret: Not asking Julie to dance
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