What The Internet Will Look Like In 25 Years

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Vol 50 Issue 11

Cheddar Cheese Prices Skyrocket Due To Chinese Demand

The Dairy Export Council reported this week that the cost of cheddar cheese climbed 18 percent this year to its highest price ever because domestic manufacturers have been unable to meet the demand for cheese by Chinese purchasers.

Lowly Mortal Opens Portal To Hell

John Kerry poses as a masseuse to get a few minutes with Putin, parents reminisce to their children about the dating algorithm that brought them together, and a lowly mortal opens a portal to hell.

Surge Answered With Rally

SAN DIEGO—With a succession of quick baskets during the NCAA Tournament Friday, sources confirmed that a surge was quickly answered by a rally.

Sleep Loss Can Cause Brain Damage

A study published this week in the journal Neuroscience found that inconsistent sleep patterns, including not sleeping enough and sleeping erratic hours, can result in an irreversible loss of brain neurons.

Half Of Americans Believe In Medical Conspiracy Theories

According to a new survey, nearly half of Americans believe in at least one medical conspiracy theory, among them that the FDA is hiding disease cures under pressure from drug companies and that health officials are concealing the fact that cell phones ca...
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What The Internet Will Look Like In 25 Years

This month marks the 25th anniversary of British inventor Tim Berners-Lee’s proposal for a system of hypertext, which provided the language for establishing the internet. Here’s what we can expect the internet to look like 25 years from now:

  • Going online will be as simple as shouting, “Let’s internet!” and then manually turning on your computer, connecting to the Wi-Fi network, and opening up your web browser
  • The construction of national broadband networks will give Americans greater access to online resources provided by shitty, underperforming cable carriers
  • Internet-capable learning devices such as tablets, Smart Boards, and interactive projectors will be widely used in America’s public schools, from affluent elementary and middle schools to affluent high schools and private schools
  • Ethernet cables to be up to 5 inches longer
  • Right now woodcraft.com is the premier message board for discussing woodworking, but in 2021 a rival forum will gain popularity and attract many of the community’s most respected members. However, by 2025 most of those users will return, and woodcraft.com will regain its position as the top woodworking message board.
  • Technological innovations will confirm central thesis of Meagan Harper’s Com 201 paper about people being closer but farther apart
  • John Candy’s Wikipedia page tightened up a bit
  • High-speed fiber-optic cables will allow users to ignore your web series at speeds currently unimaginable
  • Consumers may become obsessed with the technology, to the point where they are on the internet for hours each day
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