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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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What To Look For In NASCAR This Year

Danica Patrick and fuel-injected cars are just two of the exciting changes NASCAR has in store for us this racing season.

  • New advances in flameproof denim and snakeskin will finally allow drivers to dress the way they please
  • Lots of brand-new Kyles, Jeffs, and Travises
  • The emerging love triangle between Carl Edwards, Denny Hamlin, and Ryan Newman is among the most compelling storylines to come about in years
  • Cars redesigned to feature excitement-inducing new blind spots
  • Five-point safety belts now mandatory on all hound-dog seats
  • Jimmie Johnson has quietly, and somewhat sheepishly, asked that everyone call him 'James' from now on
  • Hopefully someone will unfortunately and tragically die in an awesome huge marketable crash
  • All cars will be driven from the press box via remote control, increasing safety while freeing up drivers to make more appearances on behalf of sponsor

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