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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Where Did U.S. Money Go In Iraq?

According to a report in The Washington Post, Gen. David Petraeus and other American military commanders were given access to $5 billion in discretionary funds to spend on various projects like a now-defunct $1 million water park in Baghdad. Here are some of the places the money went to:

  • $10 million—Free "I Love the Surge" bumper sticker and T-shirt program
  • $13 million—Retrofitting Saddam's sex palace to create municipal sex library
  • $125,000—Amphibious, duck-shaped Tigris River tour boat
  • $300,000—Funyuns Military Blend
  • $9,000—The Offspring's booking fee
  • $100 million—Given to this guy who promised he would build a chain of really awesome after-school clubs and skate parks but who, in retrospect, was probably Muqtada al-Sadr
  • $7.1 million—Really nice big statue of Muhammad to cheer everyone in Baghdad up
  • $6 million—Ultimately abandoned Frank Gehry blueprints for Iraq's entire infrastructure
  • $4 million—Dance hall; men only
  • $60 million—Blowing up bridge E.U. forces need to leave

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