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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Where Is Kim Jong-Un?

North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un has not been seen in public since September 3. Here is the latest speculation on his whereabouts:

  • Slowly crawling toward Seoul for adequate medical care
  • Attending informative Supreme Leadership Seminar
  • Facedown in country’s only bowl of rice
  • In hearts and minds of 25 million proud North Koreans
  • Switching place with lowborn pauper of nearly identical appearance to get taste of common North Korean life
  • Sitting completely still in a 34-day-long pose for largest Supreme Leader portrait yet
  • Hibernating for winter inside burrow
  • Crumpled up on floor after skeleton splintered apart under ceaselessly increasing body weight
  • In the rich, vibrant world of delusion that comes with being raised as the heir to a despotic regime
  • Making love to wife for five straight weeks
  • Wiping crumbs off face at father’s grave
  • Never in the same room as his sister, curiously
  • Either being hanged or hanging someone else

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