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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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White House Unhappy With Former Press Secretary's Book

Members of the Bush staff and cabinet are displeased with the contents of former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan's new memoir, What Happened: Inside The Bush White House And Washington's Culture Of Deception. What in the book is raising their ire?

Cheney picked all the cashews out of mixed-nut bowls meant for visiting veterans

McClellan and counterterrorism-adviser-turned-Bush-critic Richard A. Clarke used to sit in back of room during cabinet meetings, rolling their eyes and surreptitiously passing a flask of bourbon

Former defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld mentioned only once

Condoleezza Rice liked to head-butt foreign dignitaries in the chest

White House lawyers have been advising the president based on their interpretation of the Articles of Confederation, not the Constitution

Bush cried like a pussy when he had to fire McClellan

Chapter 28 is dedicated to his lurid fantasies about Laura Bush

Just flat-out mean sometimes

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