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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Who Is Chris Christie?

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie decisively won reelection last night in a victory many pundits see as a significant step toward a 2016 presidential bid. As Christie’s prominence on the national stage rises, The Onion breaks down all you need to know about the 51-year-old Republican:

Name: Jason Paxton

Birthplace: Lifelong resident of Nebraska, from which he proudly commutes every day

Children: Bridget (2003), Patrick (2000), Sarah (1996), Andrew (1993), Kristen Bell (1980)

Number Of Times You’ll Hear His Name Over Next 3 years: 2,578,740,569

Most Important Piece Of Legislation: Gay marriage bill he was forced to allow

Biggest gaffe: “I enjoyed Hurricane Sandy very much. I particularly enjoyed how it ruined people’s lives.”

Greatest Asset: Bipartisanship

Greatest Liability: Bipartisanship

Favorite Musician With Nickname ‘Boss’: Jiří Valter—or the Big Boss—lead vocalist for Czech black metal band Root.

Christie: Brinkley

Most Recognizable Physical Characteristic: Height

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