Who Is Chris Christie?

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 45

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 10 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 10 games: Redskins at Vikings OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Redskins – If the Redskins were to lose this game 34-27, i...

FDA To Ban All Trans Fats

The FDA proposed new guidelines that would ban nearly all artificial trans fats, which are found in products such as frosting, margarine, microwave popcorn, and frozen pizza, a measure that they say could prevent 20,000 heart attacks a year.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Holiday

Small Business

Who Is Chris Christie?

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie decisively won reelection last night in a victory many pundits see as a significant step toward a 2016 presidential bid. As Christie’s prominence on the national stage rises, The Onion breaks down all you need to know about the 51-year-old Republican:

Name: Jason Paxton

Birthplace: Lifelong resident of Nebraska, from which he proudly commutes every day

Children: Bridget (2003), Patrick (2000), Sarah (1996), Andrew (1993), Kristen Bell (1980)

Number Of Times You’ll Hear His Name Over Next 3 years: 2,578,740,569

Most Important Piece Of Legislation: Gay marriage bill he was forced to allow

Biggest gaffe: “I enjoyed Hurricane Sandy very much. I particularly enjoyed how it ruined people’s lives.”

Greatest Asset: Bipartisanship

Greatest Liability: Bipartisanship

Favorite Musician With Nickname ‘Boss’: Jiří Valter—or the Big Boss—lead vocalist for Czech black metal band Root.

Christie: Brinkley

Most Recognizable Physical Characteristic: Height

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More