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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Who Is Romney Today?

Critics have long complained that instead of sticking to strong positions on issues such as immigration, federal spending, and health care reform, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has routinely changed his stance to appeal to voters. Here are some key policies on which he has flip-flopped:

  • In 1998 Romney said he'd been married to his wife for 29 years, but in a speech just last week he claimed it's been 42 years
  • Though he now argues his views have been consistent, in 2002 he stated, "I do admit I like to flip-flop, I just love flip-flopping so much!"
  • Said he didn't like eggs but then turned right around and ate half a quiche
  • Has made repeated claims on the campaign trail that he is the anti-Romney
  • Backtracked from his assertion as Massachusetts governor that poor people were human beings with emotions and feelings
  • Stated that he was a die-hard Dockers-Classic-fit-pleated man and was later spotted on the campaign trail in Dockers flat-front straight-fits
  • Has been known to tan on one side of his body for a while, then completely turn over and let his other side face the sun
  • During the 2008 primaries, he leveled repeated attacks against Sen. John McCain. This year, he has been almost completely silent on McCain
  • Renounced his front-runner status in the current presidential campaign to focus on becoming an also-ran

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