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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Who Is Romney Today?

Critics have long complained that instead of sticking to strong positions on issues such as immigration, federal spending, and health care reform, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has routinely changed his stance to appeal to voters. Here are some key policies on which he has flip-flopped:

  • In 1998 Romney said he'd been married to his wife for 29 years, but in a speech just last week he claimed it's been 42 years
  • Though he now argues his views have been consistent, in 2002 he stated, "I do admit I like to flip-flop, I just love flip-flopping so much!"
  • Said he didn't like eggs but then turned right around and ate half a quiche
  • Has made repeated claims on the campaign trail that he is the anti-Romney
  • Backtracked from his assertion as Massachusetts governor that poor people were human beings with emotions and feelings
  • Stated that he was a die-hard Dockers-Classic-fit-pleated man and was later spotted on the campaign trail in Dockers flat-front straight-fits
  • Has been known to tan on one side of his body for a while, then completely turn over and let his other side face the sun
  • During the 2008 primaries, he leveled repeated attacks against Sen. John McCain. This year, he has been almost completely silent on McCain
  • Renounced his front-runner status in the current presidential campaign to focus on becoming an also-ran

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