Who Is Vladimir Putin?

Top Headlines

Recent News

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Preparedness

  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Who Is Vladimir Putin?

After troops from his country forcibly seized Crimea earlier this year, Russian president Vladimir Putin is back in the news for allegedly arming separatists in eastern Ukraine with the missiles that are believed to have taken down Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 last week. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about Russia’s leader:

  • Height: 5’7”
  • Statue Height: 6’2”
  • Hobbies: Collecting sovereign territories
  • Interests: Dioxin, polonium 210, thallium
  • Predecessor: Vladimir Putin
  • Successor: Vladimir Putin
  • Membership In KGB: Active
  • Occupation: First and foremost, a dad to two pretty amazing kids
  • Stare: Pitiless
  • Number Of Times A Day Utters Words “With My Bare Hands”: 28
  • Pets: 1.3 million Chechens, black lab
  • Nervous Habit: Bending lead pipes
  • Sleep: Untroubled
  • Number Of Steps Currently Ahead: Two
  • Preferred Solution To Civil Unrest: Permanent
Next Story