adBlockCheck

International

Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Who Is Vladimir Putin?

After troops from his country forcibly seized Crimea earlier this year, Russian president Vladimir Putin is back in the news for allegedly arming separatists in eastern Ukraine with the missiles that are believed to have taken down Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 last week. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about Russia’s leader:

  • Height: 5’7”
  • Statue Height: 6’2”
  • Hobbies: Collecting sovereign territories
  • Interests: Dioxin, polonium 210, thallium
  • Predecessor: Vladimir Putin
  • Successor: Vladimir Putin
  • Membership In KGB: Active
  • Occupation: First and foremost, a dad to two pretty amazing kids
  • Stare: Pitiless
  • Number Of Times A Day Utters Words “With My Bare Hands”: 28
  • Pets: 1.3 million Chechens, black lab
  • Nervous Habit: Bending lead pipes
  • Sleep: Untroubled
  • Number Of Steps Currently Ahead: Two
  • Preferred Solution To Civil Unrest: Permanent

More from this section

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close