Who Is Vladimir Putin?

Top Headlines

Recent News

‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Who Is Vladimir Putin?

After troops from his country forcibly seized Crimea earlier this year, Russian president Vladimir Putin is back in the news for allegedly arming separatists in eastern Ukraine with the missiles that are believed to have taken down Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 last week. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about Russia’s leader:

  • Height: 5’7”
  • Statue Height: 6’2”
  • Hobbies: Collecting sovereign territories
  • Interests: Dioxin, polonium 210, thallium
  • Predecessor: Vladimir Putin
  • Successor: Vladimir Putin
  • Membership In KGB: Active
  • Occupation: First and foremost, a dad to two pretty amazing kids
  • Stare: Pitiless
  • Number Of Times A Day Utters Words “With My Bare Hands”: 28
  • Pets: 1.3 million Chechens, black lab
  • Nervous Habit: Bending lead pipes
  • Sleep: Untroubled
  • Number Of Steps Currently Ahead: Two
  • Preferred Solution To Civil Unrest: Permanent
Next Story