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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Who Will Replace Kennedy

  • Malachy O'Halloran: Dorchester, MA retired ironworker, bar regular, and professional Irish American
  • You: Could probably predict how Ted Kennedy would vote by now
  • Tommy Musgrove: This high-school civics student is said to be considering a senate run as his senior project
  • Vampire Ted Kennedy: A desire to see health reform through an unquenchable thirst for blood could propel this political legend back onto the national stage
  • Marvin D. Johnson: Younger brother of Lyndon B. Johnson claims that he should assume Kennedy's position on grounds of historical continuity
  • Brian Dennehy: Will need a gig after quickie Ted Kennedy biopic wraps
  • Wally the Green Monster: Red Sox mascot may be the only candidate whose broad-based regional appeal, physical stature, and comically oversized head could live up to the late senator's
  • Probably some asshole

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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