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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Why Are Gas Prices So Low?

The average price of a gallon of gas is at its lowest level since April 2009, giving rise to speculation about why the cost of oil continues to drop and how long consumers can expect the trend to last. Here are answers to common questions about the low price of gas:

Why are gas prices so low?

Jesus, why can’t you just enjoy this for a minute and not worry about that?

How long will gas prices remain low?

Forever.

Who benefits from the price drop?

Anyone who’s alive to enjoy low prices but dead before the full consequences of fossil fuel usage are felt.

Where does oil come from?

The decomposing remains of long-dead environmental regulations.

I own an electric or hybrid car. How does this affect me?

It means you wasted your fucking money.

Where is gasoline cheapest?

Definitely go to the Shell down off exit 17, it’s like six cents cheaper than the Sunoco right there.

Where does this put green technology?

Oh, we don’t need that anymore.

Does it get any better than this, folks?

No.

Isn’t it bad to increasingly rely on chemical fracking processes that have a negative impact on the environment and still unknown effects on human health?

Oh, my God, have you heard it could go even lower than $2.00? Seriously, it could happen. Think of all the money you could save! It’s like stuffing bills right in your pocket.

I love the way gasoline smells. Frankly, I find it arousing. Are there others like me, who’d be open to meeting up and exploring this interest?

I can be reached at home most weeknights: 312-555-4381.

Is there anything we can do to help out the energy companies that are losing money due to the decline in the price of oil?

Yes. Donation information can be found on the home pages of BP, ExxonMobil, Gazprom, and other oil and gas conglomerates’ websites.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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