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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.
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Why The Cavaliers Lost

It seemed like the world wanted a LeBron-Kobe finals, but the Magic sent the Cavs home after six games. Here's why:

Team chemistry somewhat disrupted by LeBron James practicing in Knicks warm-ups

After the Cavs missed their first shot in Game 1, Coach Mike Brown just shook his head and left the arena

To avoid getting into foul trouble, many key players left games in the second quarter

At one point, LeBron passed the ball to a man named Tarence Kinsey

Flurry of ill-advised, off-balance jump shots didn't pay off as intended

Wally Szczerbiak broke the "Wally Szczerbiak doesn't get to shoot" rule

Thought America would just vote them into the championship round

After years of remarkable good luck fielding many successful sports franchises, karma finally caught up to the city of Cleveland

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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