Why We Hate LeBron

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Vol 48 Issue 25

Fussy J.J. Hardy Refuses To Stand On Nonorganic Dirt

ATLANTA—Fussy Orioles shortstop J.J. Hardy defiantly refused to stand on the nonorganic dirt in Turner Field Friday, complaining to coaches and teammates that the disgusting mixture of clay, silt, and sand was full of harmful additives and chemicals...

Behind The Down Pillow

TLC 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT We catch up with the 11 geese who provided the feathers for the 2006 Ralph Lauren King Size #10239.

Last Shaman Standing  

Bravo 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Aurumai wows judges with his newest power animal; Evagrius tries to retrieve enough souls to move on to the next round.

Justice Department Sues 2 Polygamous Communities

The U.S. Department of Justice is suing the communities of Colorado City, AZ and Hildale, UT, alleging a pattern of discrimination against residents who do not belong to the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Tear-Stained Final Words

"If you somehow gather the mental wherewithal to collect 30 UPC labels and mail them to our promotions department, we'll send you an Old Milwaukee pen and notepad set, perfect for scrawling down your tear-stained final words." – Old M...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Why We Hate LeBron

No one denies that LeBron James is a phenomenal young talent who has turned in some almost supernaturally good performances, but he's still generally unloved by fans. Here's why:

  • Skills second only to Kobe, touch second only to Bird, vision second only to Magic, and strength second only to Russell; therefore, pretty much a worthless second-rater
  • Was supposed to be the next Jordan, but chose friendship over a monomaniacal obsession with winning bordering on mental illness
  • Does this really annoying thing where he isn't always playing on Team USA and is instead playing for the Heat so then you have to root against him
  • Significant percentage of sports fans are jealous of his high school diploma
  • Abandoned and gave up on Cleveland, albeit decades after the rest of us did
  • Makes us feel guilty for never doing anything to make Cleveland better ourselves
  • Dunked over the pope at last year’s St. Peter's Basketbasilica Jamfest, even though the game was already out of hand
  • Televising The Decision repelled and frightened the American public, most of whom have spent their whole lives trying to avoid making decisions
  • Basically, it's easier not to really think about it
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