adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Why Women's Professional Soccer Failed in the U.S.

With the sad and unnecessary death of Women's Professional Soccer last week, there is no longer a professional standalone women's soccer league in the United States. Here are the main reasons why:

  • Most teams had fewer than one Hope Solo on their roster at any given time
  • Tried to establish teams in markets where women's soccer isn't traditionally watched, such as the United States
  • Turns out there are already web sites that stream video of kicking women that don't require a sham sports league organized as a cover
  • The shared vision of giving little girls strong, positive role models not actually shared by anyone
  • Missed the mark on the first maxim of sports business: Market to 18-39 year-old men with sad, empty lives
  • The few televised games the league managed to air were in competition with the ability to turn the TV off and go to sleep
  • Many of the best players chose a more lucrative career path, such as unemployment

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close