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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Wikileaks' Embarrassing Revelations

Last week, the whistle-blower website Wikileaks released more than 250,000 pages of sensitive diplomatic notes, cables, and information from the United States government. Here is some of the information included in the mountain of documents:

  • In 2008, Nicolas Sarkozy gave everyone else iPods for Christmas, but U.S. diplomats received candles
  • Kim Jong-il is registered with the Writers Guild of America under the pseudonym "Roland Emmerich"
  • Rahm Emanuel brushes his teeth if he eats so much as a snack
  • Since the first day of his tenure, U.K. prime minister David Cameron has lobbied the Queen to knight Spacemen 3 as a band
  • Threats and aid offers equally ineffective in forcing Vladimir Putin to put a shirt on during diplomatic negotiations
  • Ahmadinejad has a closet with, like, 200 of those jackets
  • The majority of diplomatic relations with Israel still go through comatose former prime minister Ariel Sharon
  • U.S. diplomatic privacy measures are terrible

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