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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Winter Olympics Schedule

The 22nd Winter Olympics is in full swing in the resort town of Sochi, Russia, where top athletes from around the world will compete over the next two weeks to win medals for ice hockey, figure skating, and more. Here are some of the game’s most highly anticipated events:

  • Day 1: Russian journalists marvel at the luxury of Sochi hotels
  • Day 2: All athletes are welcomed with a five-pound bag of turnips
  • Day 4: Snowboarders secure their reputations as being the coolest athletes by performing all events with a boombox on their shoulders
  • Day 5: Extra security brought in to control the rabid fan base of Bulgarian skier Krasimir Anev
  • Day 6: Men’s ski slopestyle competition
  • Day 7: Memorial service for those lost in the men’s ski slopestyle competition
  • Day 8: Intermission
  • Day 12: A special gold medal is awarded to the athlete with the longest tongue
  • Day 13: Twirly, sparkly woman named Nadia or Adrinovka or something prepares to transport the living shit out of world
  • Day 16: After closing ceremonies, officials cull stray athletes from Olympic Village
  • Day 17: World realizes they forgot to watch any of the games
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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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