WNBA Season Highlights

Top Headlines


Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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WNBA Season Highlights

Onion Sports looks back at the best moments from the 11th season of women's professional basketball:

A mere five years after Lisa Leslie's first slam dunk, the San Antoino Silver Stars' Margo Dydek becomes only the second player in WNBA history to jump

In an odd counterpoint to other sports leagues, the entire WNBA reacts to Lisa Leslie's positive test result with joy at her pregnancy

Indiana Fever sets WNBA record for most Tamikas on a roster

Rumor and speculation run rampant after Mercury star Penny Taylor is seen kissing a boy


Everyone in the league shares the MVP award, as each of the WNBA's strong, independent women is valuable—and beautiful—in her own special way

Seattle Storm star Lauren Jackson drains all eight of her team's points in the first half

The playoff game when the ball got wedged between the rim and backboard for 25 minutes until the Detroit Palace custodian knocked it down with the handle of a broom

David Stern is one digit away from making the phone call to cancel the WNBA, but is stopped short when his wife informs him that dinner is ready


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