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Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

'It's The Kind With A Blade That Locks In Place,' Says Law Enforcement Spokesperson

Warning residents that the blade was “super deadly” and “badass,” city police officials held a press conference Wednesday to announce that they had found a really cool wooden-handled Buck-brand pocketknife on the street.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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WNBA Season Highlights

Onion Sports looks back at the best moments from the 11th season of women's professional basketball:

A mere five years after Lisa Leslie's first slam dunk, the San Antoino Silver Stars' Margo Dydek becomes only the second player in WNBA history to jump

In an odd counterpoint to other sports leagues, the entire WNBA reacts to Lisa Leslie's positive test result with joy at her pregnancy

Indiana Fever sets WNBA record for most Tamikas on a roster

Rumor and speculation run rampant after Mercury star Penny Taylor is seen kissing a boy

Umm...

Everyone in the league shares the MVP award, as each of the WNBA's strong, independent women is valuable—and beautiful—in her own special way

Seattle Storm star Lauren Jackson drains all eight of her team's points in the first half

The playoff game when the ball got wedged between the rim and backboard for 25 minutes until the Detroit Palace custodian knocked it down with the handle of a broom

David Stern is one digit away from making the phone call to cancel the WNBA, but is stopped short when his wife informs him that dinner is ready

More from this section

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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