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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Women In Motorsports

In honor of this year's Indy 500, the first to feature three female drivers, Onion Sports looks at some other great moments for women in motorsports history:

1920–1940: Women get their start in racing by souping up their stock cars to run bootleg Cosmopolitans, Sex-on-the-Beaches, and Malibu and Diet Cokes across state lines

1977: Lella Lombardi becomes the first female driver in history to compete in both NASCAR and Formula 1, and also the first to have her tires slashed by both Dale Earnhardt and Gilles Villeneuve

1978: Janet Guthrie finishes ninth in the Indy 500, finally proving to the world that women can do anything Steve Krisiloff can do

1982: Robin McCall finishes a race a Michigan Speedway in a completely professional manner, without succumbing to any female stereotypes whatsoever, then gracefully retires from the sport without incident

1984: Motorcycle road-racing champion and Tourist Trophy winner Mike Duff undergoes a sex change and becomes Michelle Ann Duff, giving motorcycle racing its first-ever female star

1992: Kelly Sutton, who suffers from multiple sclerosis, becomes the only driver in the Craftsman Truck series to race with the handicap of being a woman

1997: Sharon Reiss finally beats Leslie Halfhill in their daily race to see who can get their kids to school first

1999: Millions of male fans fall instantly and deeply in love with Sarah Fisher the first time she steps out of her car, removes her helmet, and shakes out her gorgeously long honey-blonde hair in slow motion

2000: Lyn St. James starts the Indy 500 in next-to-last place and eventually finishes in next-to-last place in what motorsports aficionados agree is the most appropriate performance ever by a woman driver

2005: Danica Patrick becomes the first woman ever to lead the Indy 500; afterwards, Patrick is praised throughout the racing community for not embarrassing everybody by getting lost, causing an accident, or winning

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