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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Women In Motorsports

In honor of this year's Indy 500, the first to feature three female drivers, Onion Sports looks at some other great moments for women in motorsports history:

1920–1940: Women get their start in racing by souping up their stock cars to run bootleg Cosmopolitans, Sex-on-the-Beaches, and Malibu and Diet Cokes across state lines

1977: Lella Lombardi becomes the first female driver in history to compete in both NASCAR and Formula 1, and also the first to have her tires slashed by both Dale Earnhardt and Gilles Villeneuve

1978: Janet Guthrie finishes ninth in the Indy 500, finally proving to the world that women can do anything Steve Krisiloff can do

1982: Robin McCall finishes a race a Michigan Speedway in a completely professional manner, without succumbing to any female stereotypes whatsoever, then gracefully retires from the sport without incident

1984: Motorcycle road-racing champion and Tourist Trophy winner Mike Duff undergoes a sex change and becomes Michelle Ann Duff, giving motorcycle racing its first-ever female star

1992: Kelly Sutton, who suffers from multiple sclerosis, becomes the only driver in the Craftsman Truck series to race with the handicap of being a woman

1997: Sharon Reiss finally beats Leslie Halfhill in their daily race to see who can get their kids to school first

1999: Millions of male fans fall instantly and deeply in love with Sarah Fisher the first time she steps out of her car, removes her helmet, and shakes out her gorgeously long honey-blonde hair in slow motion

2000: Lyn St. James starts the Indy 500 in next-to-last place and eventually finishes in next-to-last place in what motorsports aficionados agree is the most appropriate performance ever by a woman driver

2005: Danica Patrick becomes the first woman ever to lead the Indy 500; afterwards, Patrick is praised throughout the racing community for not embarrassing everybody by getting lost, causing an accident, or winning

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