adBlockCheck

Women's Increasing Role In Combat

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Women's Increasing Role In Combat

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta announced last week that the U.S. armed forces would lift a regulation that barred women from serving in official combat roles on the front lines. Here are some other notable milestones in women’s military history:

  • 418: With the help of her trusty dragon, Mushu, golden-voiced female warrior Mulan thwarts the Hun invasion by burying them all in an avalanche
  • 1688: The defeat of the Spanish Armada sees the end of live women strapped to the front of warships, as they begin to be replaced with more ornate carvings of them
  • 1781: After routing British regulars at Yorktown, the victorious colonials are scandalized to find out that the horse ridden by Gen. George Washington is a mare
  • 1808: Virginia resident Bob Therman’s theory on women having inherently terrible aim was proven tragically wrong after challenging 20 women to try their best to shoot him from three feet away
  • 1853: Florence Nightingale idly picks up a grenade and hurls it across enemy lines
  • 1945: President Truman’s wife suggests dropping a bunch of atomic bombs on Japan
  • 1949: Women continue to fight in the war against grease buildup with only the aid of fast-acting Palmolive dish soap
  • 1969: A group of modern-day North Vietnamese Joan of Arcs become the latest females in a war zone to be burned alive
  • 1980: The first woman graduates from the United States Military Academy at West Point and is given the rank of Little Miss Soldier

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close