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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Women's Increasing Role In Combat

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta announced last week that the U.S. armed forces would lift a regulation that barred women from serving in official combat roles on the front lines. Here are some other notable milestones in women’s military history:

  • 418: With the help of her trusty dragon, Mushu, golden-voiced female warrior Mulan thwarts the Hun invasion by burying them all in an avalanche
  • 1688: The defeat of the Spanish Armada sees the end of live women strapped to the front of warships, as they begin to be replaced with more ornate carvings of them
  • 1781: After routing British regulars at Yorktown, the victorious colonials are scandalized to find out that the horse ridden by Gen. George Washington is a mare
  • 1808: Virginia resident Bob Therman’s theory on women having inherently terrible aim was proven tragically wrong after challenging 20 women to try their best to shoot him from three feet away
  • 1853: Florence Nightingale idly picks up a grenade and hurls it across enemy lines
  • 1945: President Truman’s wife suggests dropping a bunch of atomic bombs on Japan
  • 1949: Women continue to fight in the war against grease buildup with only the aid of fast-acting Palmolive dish soap
  • 1969: A group of modern-day North Vietnamese Joan of Arcs become the latest females in a war zone to be burned alive
  • 1980: The first woman graduates from the United States Military Academy at West Point and is given the rank of Little Miss Soldier
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