Workplace Productivity Falling

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Workplace Productivity Falling

American workplace productivity is slumping, resulting in inflation fears. What is the cause of the productivity dip?

Fantasy baseball teams can't manage themselves

Personal vendetta against Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke

Nationwide crippling fear of success

Recent hiring of 86.8 million lazy fuckoffs

Proliferation of bulleted satirical online office humor

Post-lunch realization that life is nothing more than the inevitable march toward death

Muffins in the break room

Chickswithswords.com

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