Workplace Productivity Falling

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

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Workplace Productivity Falling

American workplace productivity is slumping, resulting in inflation fears. What is the cause of the productivity dip?

Fantasy baseball teams can't manage themselves

Personal vendetta against Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke

Nationwide crippling fear of success

Recent hiring of 86.8 million lazy fuckoffs

Proliferation of bulleted satirical online office humor

Post-lunch realization that life is nothing more than the inevitable march toward death

Muffins in the break room

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