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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture
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Workplace Productivity Falling

American workplace productivity is slumping, resulting in inflation fears. What is the cause of the productivity dip?

Fantasy baseball teams can't manage themselves

Personal vendetta against Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke

Nationwide crippling fear of success

Recent hiring of 86.8 million lazy fuckoffs

Proliferation of bulleted satirical online office humor

Post-lunch realization that life is nothing more than the inevitable march toward death

Muffins in the break room

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