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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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World Baseball Classic Team-By-Team Breakdown

Australia: The team seems pretty well-rounded since mysterious documents turned up proving that David Wright, Frank Thomas, and Hanley Ramirez are all native Aussies

China: Too busy attempting to put their uniforms on Chinese Taipei players to be an actual threat

Cuba: While this Caribbean nation is flush with talented baseball players, most of them have disappeared through a hole in the right field wall

Dominican Republic: With 90 percent of Major League Baseball on its roster, the only thing holding this team back is fitting everyone into the dugout

Netherlands: A team to look out for, because in Amsterdam's famous Red Light Stadium, anything goes

Panama: This fairly talented team would be more prepared for the competition if Panama were large enough to contain both an infield and an outfield

United States: There is a lot of pressure on this talented roster to perform well, and if they don't, no one will care

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