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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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World's Oldest Musical Instrument Discovered

Last month, the journal Nature reported that archaeologists had discovered the world's oldest known musical instrument, a 35,000-year-old flute made from a vulture bone. Here are some other recently unearthed artifacts:

Arada, Chad (160 million years old): The world's largest pebble, standing more than 8 feet tall and weighing two tons; researchers believe the rock once was a source of irritation to dinosaurs' feet

Degan, Ethiopia (1.3 million years old): The world's first pile of dirt, which was found directly beneath what was previously thought to have been the world's first pile of dirt

Bonn, Germany (90,000 years old): The oldest known folder, consisting of two thick stone tablets with a number of thinner tablets hastily stacked inside

Cairo, Egypt (15,000 years old): The first known twisty thing that keeps bread fresh was discovered in the street near the original Egyptian A&P;

Focsani, Romania (14,000 years old): World's oldest bowl thrown out because no one washed it and it got really gross

New Providence, NJ (5,230 years old): World's earliest existing scanner, fashioned out of a primitive monochromatic photodiode array connected via calf tendon to a cold-cathode fluorescent bulb

St. Petersburg, Russia (2,500 years old): First mini golf course, in which one had to hit the ball through the carcasses of a boar, duck, and dog, and then over a little bridge

Naperville, IL (38 years old): Aden Osgood excavated the world's oldest Fla-Vor-Ice from the thick layer of frost buildup in his grandmother's basement freezer

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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