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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Worst Coaching Performances

Coaches Lloyd Carr, Romeo Crennel, and Isiah Thomas have all been under the microscope lately, but it remains to be seen if their coaching performances rank with these, possibly the worst of all time:

1876: Ballpark proprietor William Cammeyer gives the players of his New York Mutuals club a pouch of chewing tobacco

1965: 75-year-old, dementia-ridden Casey Stengel removes pitcher Jack Fischer and replaces him with a meatloaf sandwich

1985: With his team on the Patriots' two-yard line in Super Bowl XX, Bears coach Mike Ditka refuses to give the ball to Walter Payton, the beloved halfback whose powerful running carried the team throughout the season, instead allowing some fat fuck with a popular nickname to score a cute novelty touchdown

1986-1993: NFL head coaching career of Jerry Glanville

1992: Before Game 3 of the NBA Finals, Paul Westphal accidentally tells the Phoenix Suns to go out there and lose

1998: During his first NCAA championship game, a flustered Mike Krzyzewski calls 37 time-outs during a two-minute period at the end of the first half

1998: Packers coach Mike Holmgren allows the Denver Broncos to score the go-ahead touchdown unhindered in hopes that would get him the Broncos job in his walk year

2000: Rusty Tillman and seven other guys agree to coach in the XFL

2001: Ahead 6-5 in the bottom of the ninth in Game 6 of the World Series, Phillies manager Jim Fregosi decides to run out the clock

2007: Willie Randolph rests his players during the last game of the season to keep them fresh in case they make the playoffs

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