Worst-Ever NFL Playoff Chokes

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Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Worst-Ever NFL Playoff Chokes

Poor performances by Tony Romo and Peyton Manning contributed to their teams' losses in the divisional playoffs, but they weren't the worst choke-jobs of all time. Onion Sports takes a look at the ones that were:

1971: The Miami Dolphins are defeated in the Super Bowl when head coach Don Shula decides against experience and starts 10-year-old quarterback Dan Marino

1979: Charger quarterback Dan Fouts is intercepted five times by the Oilers in a divisional playoff loss, which Fouts later ascribes to rookie safety Vernon Perry looking just like the guy he buys cocaine from

1991: In the most famous choke in NFL history, Scott Norwood is inexplicably unable to propel an irregularly shaped object through two raised posts 141 feet away using only his foot

1999: The Cowboys lose a playoff game at home to the Arizona Cardinals... the ARIZONA CARDINALS

2000: Kevin Dyson chokes away the Titans' chance at a Super Bowl title by not having arms one yard longer

2005: Legendary Chiefs coach Hank Stram dies at the age of 82 while trying to eat half a steak in one bite

2007: The Dallas Mavericks' stunning loss to the Golden State Warriors notable enough to mandate inclusion on all "worst choke" lists regardless of sport

2007: Peyton Manning succumbs to the immense pressure of Super Bowl XLI and is only able to lead the Colts to a 12-point victory


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