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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Worst NFL Draft Picks 2008

Grading the annual NFL Player Draft is an inexact science, but some selections are obviously wrong from the start. Onion Sports runs down this year's most ill-advised choices:

Derrick Harvey, DE, Jaguars: Although Jacksonville could use an outside pass rusher on their defense, Harvey is just a guy Mel Kiper made up

John David Booty, QB, Vikings: An athletic quarterback with an accurate delivery, but scouts say Booty struggles when playing for monumentally shitty organizations

Jordy Nelson, WR, Packers: Can separate from cornerbacks, but only after a months-long, emotionally exhausting argument about whether or not their marriage can work out

Jake Long, OT, Dolphins: Looked good leading up to draft, but after signing with Dolphins, cut his own legs off in order to salvage some dignity

Aqib Talib, CB, Bucs: Highly touted speed shown to be a farce at after-draft party when Talib was unable to outrun a crowd of foxy young ladies in high heels

Kentwan Balmer, DT, 49ers: Was considered a solid tackle going into the draft, but medical tests revealed he is actually about 70% liquid

Various Players, Bears: No one is sure exactly why the Bears decided to take every player in the seventh round of the draft, but odds are that this will not work well for them

William Hayes, DE, Titans: In a brain-dead move of epic proportions, the Titans select Hayes 103rd when any cross-eyed inbred could see they could have easily taken him at 126

Dustin Keller, TE, Jets: Versatile player, but the Jets already have 37 tight ends on their roster

David Vobora, OL, Rams: Last pick in the draft has no business being in NFL, but the Rams saw the heartbroken look on his big old moon face and…Aww, well, you know

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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