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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Worst NFL Draft Picks 2008

Grading the annual NFL Player Draft is an inexact science, but some selections are obviously wrong from the start. Onion Sports runs down this year's most ill-advised choices:

Derrick Harvey, DE, Jaguars: Although Jacksonville could use an outside pass rusher on their defense, Harvey is just a guy Mel Kiper made up

John David Booty, QB, Vikings: An athletic quarterback with an accurate delivery, but scouts say Booty struggles when playing for monumentally shitty organizations

Jordy Nelson, WR, Packers: Can separate from cornerbacks, but only after a months-long, emotionally exhausting argument about whether or not their marriage can work out

Jake Long, OT, Dolphins: Looked good leading up to draft, but after signing with Dolphins, cut his own legs off in order to salvage some dignity

Aqib Talib, CB, Bucs: Highly touted speed shown to be a farce at after-draft party when Talib was unable to outrun a crowd of foxy young ladies in high heels

Kentwan Balmer, DT, 49ers: Was considered a solid tackle going into the draft, but medical tests revealed he is actually about 70% liquid

Various Players, Bears: No one is sure exactly why the Bears decided to take every player in the seventh round of the draft, but odds are that this will not work well for them

William Hayes, DE, Titans: In a brain-dead move of epic proportions, the Titans select Hayes 103rd when any cross-eyed inbred could see they could have easily taken him at 126

Dustin Keller, TE, Jets: Versatile player, but the Jets already have 37 tight ends on their roster

David Vobora, OL, Rams: Last pick in the draft has no business being in NFL, but the Rams saw the heartbroken look on his big old moon face and…Aww, well, you know

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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