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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Worst Sports Teams

Onion Sports examines the most awful teams throughout the history of athletic competition.

  • 1913-2013 New York Yankees: Despite their success, never learned the true meaning of baseball
  • 1917-1992 Anaheim Ducks: This lackluster team posted zero wins over this 75-year period
  • 1972 Miami Dolphins: Have only become more insufferable over time
  • 1999 Florida State Dance Team: Absolutely no heart
  • 2002 Alverno College Women’s Basketball Team: Their 3-22 record made them the laughingstock of the NAC
  • 2007 New York Giants: It doesn’t matter that they won the Super Bowl—the Giants sucked that year and just got lucky in the playoffs
  • 2008 Detroit Lions: The Lions failed to win a single game in 2008, which only sounds bad if you consider that they were a team of paid professionals who had been playing football their entire lives
  • 2008 New York Mets: By losing 10 of their final 17 games, forfeiting their 3.5-game divisional lead over the Phillies, and failing to make the playoffs, the Mets suffered their most ignominious end to a season in nearly a year
  • 2010 Cleveland Cavaliers: How a team could fall from first in the Eastern Conference to 15th is something we may never be able to explain
  • 2012 U.S. Summer Olympics Team: Couldn’t even agree on what sport they all played and did all sorts of different things once they got to London

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