adBlockCheck

Yankees Offseason Moves

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Yankees Offseason Moves

After missing the pennant by one game, the Yankees have some difficult decisions to make before spring training. Here are some of the most crucial issues facing the team:

  • Refunding the season tickets Mitch from Staten Island purchased, as per his demand on Yankees fan site message board
  • Firing that complete failure Joe Girardi, that's for sure
  • Building a new Yankee Stadium
  • Opting whether to re-sign Derek Jeter or hire more stadium security
  • Doing some things that result in winning the World Series instead of not doing that
  • Deciding if they should sign pinstripes to contract extension
  • Spending weeks of sleepless nights tortured over Posada and Rivera situations, then buying an anti-aging solution from a late-night infomercial
  • Making a trip to the bank to convert cash into talented human beings like they always do

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close