Horoscope for the week of April 18, 2001

Top Headlines

Recent News

Goals Of The Paris Climate Talks

Over 150 world leaders are meeting in Paris this week to address the global effects of climate change in the hopes that a unified international effort can avert grave future consequences for the planet. Here are the major goals of the Paris climate talks

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



Horoscope for the week of April 18, 2001

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    The stars indicate that you will meet an attractive Aries the next time you look in the mirror. Sometimes, those stars are just a little too precious.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    There are certain species of bear which mind their own business and don't attack or eat humans. You will not meet any such bears this week.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will fall prey to a strange sexual condition which leaves you unable to achieve orgasm unless certain nerves are repeatedly stimulated.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Venus ascending in your sign may sound sexy, but it's really just a function of its orbit. So don't get all excited.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Though your sign has always been known as The Lion, your tireless work has changed it to The Mattress King.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Let's do Virgo! Virgo, Virgo, bo birgo, banana fanna, fo firgo, fee fi mo mirgoñ Vir-go!
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will be unable to stop yourself from falling unconscious for seven hours at a time this week.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    It's time to put some spice back into your relationship. The stars suggest you might consider having sex once in a while.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    After years of trying, you are finally able to quit drinking next Monday, only to die several days later of advanced dehydration.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will achieve a modicum of fame as a supermodel for the unspeakably ugly plus-sized woman.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your life will be thrown into disarray when you find yourself loving an epic science-fiction film that you know in your heart was really bad.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The biggest mistake of your life was asking the exact wrong people to write your letter of recommendation.