Horoscope for the week of April 24, 2002

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Goals Of The Paris Climate Talks

Over 150 world leaders are meeting in Paris this week to address the global effects of climate change in the hopes that a unified international effort can avert grave future consequences for the planet. Here are the major goals of the Paris climate talks

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.


Horoscope for the week of April 24, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You foolishly disregard the old saying about buying pigs in pokes, explaining that the pokes were cunningly disguised as blankets.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The philosophical revelation that a container cannot contain itself will inspire you to develop a revolutionary new type of container.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your plan to have children by the time you are 35 will go awry when you're shown a cute picture of a Weimaraner puppy in a bucket.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The stars are sorry, but writing the poems of Theodore Roethke on lamp shades doesn't make you an artist.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Doctors will cite your habits of smoking, drinking, and eating fatty foods as the primary source of your happiness.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will soon have reason to question the moral, ethical, and intellectual motivations behind your choice of long-distance carriers.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Love, adventure, and laughs will not come to you, but they will come soon to a theater near you.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    America will one day view sexuality in a healthy way, but until then, there are those Chippendale dancers.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your efforts to come to an understanding of the world will result in your creating a polytheistic religion based on the worship of megaliths.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Marshall McLuhan once said schizophrenia may be a consequence of literacy. Avoid this by sticking strictly to watching TV.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your theory that language is instinctive rather than a learned behavior would be more interesting if you communicated in anything but grunts.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You don't claim to know everything, but you're pretty sure that the illustrations in Gray's Anatomy shouldn't make you hungry.