Horoscope for the week of April 5, 2000

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Election 2016

Horoscope for the week of April 5, 2000

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You are loyal, friendly, and an excellent companion. This is not because you are an Aries, but because you are a purebred Sealyham Terrier.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Try to take the long view: No matter how bad things are right now, you'll be dead in a hundred years.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will enjoy a brief moment of national exposure when Fox launches its new series, Geminis Caught On Tape!
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Be careful what you wish for this week. You won't get it, but it never hurts to be careful.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You are a person who marches to the beat of thousands of identical drummers.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will be forced to wrest control of your life from others next week. Until then, stay home and practice your wresting.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will expand your consciousness to encompass the Music Of The Spheres, only to realize it consists entirely of circus marches.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will be faced with a cosmic revelation which you are unable to fully comprehend. Don't worry, though: You can always rent it again.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The stars, arranged as they are in a portentous and mystic combination existing only at this precise moment in time, indicate that this is not a good week to start new projects.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Try harder to make yourself understood by others this week by speaking louder and more slowly.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    This is no time to sit idly by and let others exercise their will over you, but that's exactly what you'll do.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Not everyone harbors a feeling of icy hatred towards you. Some people's hatred is actually quite fiery.