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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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Horoscope for the week of August 10, 2005

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You always say The Man is holding you down, but you never mention the intense sexual rush it gives you.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Your torments will continue apace, but their intensity will slacken, as God is distracted lately by his hobby of striking random Boy Scouts with lightning.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Heart-rending TV ads will soon begin asking people to send donations in order to wipe you out once and for all.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You thought that your new lifestyle would be a nonstop party in the lap of luxury, but apparently Mr. Hefner has strict rules for his "permanent houseguests."
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Delightful changes that will transform your life into a giddy playground may still be ahead for you, provided you can summon the gumption to get out of bed before 3 in the afternoon.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Officials will say that, although your death was indeed a tragedy, it could have been prevented simply by paying closer attention to either the warning signs on the time machine or your senior-year history unit on the Crimean War.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will indeed come back from your adventure in a pine box, but thanks to advances in medical technology, it's a pine box outfitted with the life-support systems you now need to live.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will be honored by the mayor of your city for your continued restraint in not expressing your feelings through poetry, song, interpretive dance, or ultra-large-scale fiber art.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    In this cruel metaphysical polka of life, it sometimes seems like for every step forward, you take one step back, two hops to each side, and do a twirl.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your relations with the natives continue to blossom, largely because your rather clever translator refuses to tell them precisely what it is you're saying.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You will conveniently obtain employment in your city hospital's burn ward just as your new invention, a revolutionary, faster and hotter gas grill, encounters its first major stumbling block.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The technical details are still being worked out, but executives promise that your first few hilarious and heartwarming years will soon be released as a deluxe DVD package.

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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