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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Horoscope for the week of August 20, 2003

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your threats to the other bar-goers would have seemed a lot more frightening if your Vespa hadn't stalled while you were trying to race away.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Whatever else happens this week, you should not miss the Taurus Summer Blowout Sale, going on right now.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will learn that he whom the gods would destroy, the gods first treat to a whole bunch of delicious pancakes.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Three wonders will you see this week: seven falling stars, a rainbow 'round the moon, and a person drinking Stoli Vanilla whom you don't want to hit.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Remember to take baby steps. There is no reason to rush something major like a trip to Miami.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    There are things that people weren't meant to know. In spite of what you think, however, that doesn't include everything.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Although you've certainly slept your way somewhere, no one would ever mistake it for the top.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will magically transform yourself from the nice lady in human resources to the bad girl of goat porn.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The "astronomers" say Mars is now closer to Earth than it will be for 60,000 years, but you know it's really rising in Sagittarius.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Take heart: The worst is over. Nevertheless, the fact remains that "life as normal" is nothing to write home about.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The fairness of destiny isn't ours to judge, but if you feed hot sauce to a Rottweiler, you deserve everything you get.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    A little hard work never hurt anyone—unless, like you, they were trying to move 16 beef sides off an assembly line during a runaway meat-warehouse fire.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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