adBlockCheck

Recent News

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

Horoscope for the week of August 24, 2005

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You're normally the type of rational, level-headed person who doesn't believe in magic, but you have no other explanation for all the rabbits and pigeons in that man's tuxedo.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    For years, people have gone to universities and academies to hone their young minds, but you are 100 percent convinced that your trick of working yours firmly against an oiled whetstone does the job faster and just as well.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    It may have been a unique way to propose marriage, but you wish that your husband woud simply pick up the phone and call you, rather than renting the Jumbotron every time he has something to say.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll finally achieve closure this week, just when it seemed your life would go on interminably.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Turns out the "jackalope" is merely a taxidermist's trick, which explains why the one you managed to catch tasted so goddamn bad.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You're still young, but eventually, you will learn that wearing sandals is no way for a man to go through his life on this earth.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You're extremely excited about the new breakthroughs in plastic surgery, until you realize they still cannot turn you entirely to plastic.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You don't care if time travel is currently believed to be a physical impossibility. There is not a doubt in your mind that that is you, second from left in the "The Last Supper."
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    After swearing lifelong fellatio to the Marine Corps of the United States of America, you'll be introduced to a red-faced young recruiter who mistakenly believes you don't know what the word means.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll finally hook up with that cute young guy from the health club when a hot-oil hair treatment sends you to the burn ward where he's a doctor.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Romance will bloom all around you this week, leaving you alone and desolate in the eye of a veritable romance hurricane.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You've traveled halfway around the world and seen things you never would have otherwise, but you're starting to think that moving dollar bill might have some sort of string attached to it.

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close