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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Horoscope for the week of August 26, 1997

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your pride in your new rubber bondage suit is stifled somewhat when you realize that it was meant for scuba diving only.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The fact that you are a small-town boy who was born and raised in South Detroit will be enough to keep America holding on to its dreams.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The existential pain of modern life will pale in comparison to the pain of the 155mm cast-iron stovebolt the doctors want to put in your skull.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Though your pride in being chosen Employee of the Month is certainly justified, you should wait before introducing your new line of inspirational office posters.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The stars indicate that love is in your future. They also indicate your latitude and longitude, if you have a sextant and a basic knowledge of geometry.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your horrendous treatment by the otherwise professional staff of the local health clinic is Virgo's way of telling you to lay off the nurse-killing jokes.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Though the stars warn of the appearance of a dark, mysterious stranger in your life, they do so for entertainment purposes only.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your mother thinks you are wonderful, unique and lovable. Push her down a flight of stairs.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Earth and water magic are strong in Sagittarius this month. Spend most of your free time face-down in the mud.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your sympathetic anguish for starving children around the world will be temporarily eclipsed by the anguish of not getting tickets to an upcoming Phish concert.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You are overjoyed to discover that William S. Burroughs left you his voice in his will.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will reach the high point of your life this week when your name is mentioned on NPR's Car Talk.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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