Horoscope for the week of August 26, 1997

Top Headlines

Recent News

Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.

Is The Nation Ready For The Next Katrina?

Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and many commentators have argued that not enough has been done over the past decade to address infrastructure and emergency response issues that could put coastal cities nationwide, including New Orleans, at risk of a catastrophe on a similar scale. Is the nation prepared for another Katrina?

Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Sleep

Horoscope for the week of August 26, 1997

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your pride in your new rubber bondage suit is stifled somewhat when you realize that it was meant for scuba diving only.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The fact that you are a small-town boy who was born and raised in South Detroit will be enough to keep America holding on to its dreams.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The existential pain of modern life will pale in comparison to the pain of the 155mm cast-iron stovebolt the doctors want to put in your skull.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Though your pride in being chosen Employee of the Month is certainly justified, you should wait before introducing your new line of inspirational office posters.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The stars indicate that love is in your future. They also indicate your latitude and longitude, if you have a sextant and a basic knowledge of geometry.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your horrendous treatment by the otherwise professional staff of the local health clinic is Virgo's way of telling you to lay off the nurse-killing jokes.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Though the stars warn of the appearance of a dark, mysterious stranger in your life, they do so for entertainment purposes only.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your mother thinks you are wonderful, unique and lovable. Push her down a flight of stairs.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Earth and water magic are strong in Sagittarius this month. Spend most of your free time face-down in the mud.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your sympathetic anguish for starving children around the world will be temporarily eclipsed by the anguish of not getting tickets to an upcoming Phish concert.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You are overjoyed to discover that William S. Burroughs left you his voice in his will.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will reach the high point of your life this week when your name is mentioned on NPR's Car Talk.