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Horoscope for the week of December 1, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will soon learn that it takes more to make a man a doctor than a sharp set of steak knives and a degree from a truck-driving school.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    No one can communicate effectively without the right tools, so make sure you have a good set of bench, shoulder and block planes.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Take things day by day this week, even if you have the ability to exist outside of time.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Nobody likes a tattle-tale, but all the world loves a lover. Split the difference by tattling on your lovers.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Please quit asking your friends and family if somebody said "McDonald's."
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Fire and air magicks are strong in Virgo this week, which should be all the hint you need to avoid air travel.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Though you have a hard time believing you were switched at birth, your resemblance to your alleged littermates is undeniable.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Despite the testimony of witnesses, the preponderance of compelling evidence, and the fact that it all seems to fit, no one will buy your theory on JFK's suicide.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    If you don't overcome your fears and tell your spouse how much you love him, you'll burst. Next week, you will actually burst.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will be blindsided by a disaster that any decent system for predicting the future should have been able to warn you about.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Trouble looms at work when your office romance turns into an office murder mystery.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    While it's true that you won't win any beauty contests, take heart: At least you're not one of those brainiacs, either.
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