Aries | March 21 to April 19
You will soon learn that it takes more to make a man a doctor than a sharp set of steak knives and a degree from a truck-driving school.
Taurus | April 20 to May 20
No one can communicate effectively without the right tools, so make sure you have a good set of bench, shoulder and block planes.
Gemini | May 21 to June 20
Take things day by day this week, even if you have the ability to exist outside of time.
Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Nobody likes a tattle-tale, but all the world loves a lover. Split the difference by tattling on your lovers.
Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
Please quit asking your friends and family if somebody said "McDonald's."
Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
Fire and air magicks are strong in Virgo this week, which should be all the hint you need to avoid air travel.
Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
Though you have a hard time believing you were switched at birth, your resemblance to your alleged littermates is undeniable.
Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
Despite the testimony of witnesses, the preponderance of compelling evidence, and the fact that it all seems to fit, no one will buy your theory on JFK's suicide.
Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
If you don't overcome your fears and tell your spouse how much you love him, you'll burst. Next week, you will actually burst.
Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
You will be blindsided by a disaster that any decent system for predicting the future should have been able to warn you about.
Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
Trouble looms at work when your office romance turns into an office murder mystery.
Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
While it's true that you won't win any beauty contests, take heart: At least you're not one of those brainiacs, either.
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