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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Horoscope for the week of December 3, 1997

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    There's only one place to turn for the kind of quality horoscopes you've come to depend on: Aries—A Sign Of Your Times™.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    When a small Earth sign challenged the industry giants back in 1933, nobody gave them a chance. Today, we’re one of the big 12. Taurus— We're Your Future™.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    We knew about that tall stranger. We told you about the journey over water. And tomorrow? Just wait ’til you see: Gemini—We Know™.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Is it the occulted moon? The music of the spheres? The cosmic resonance? Maybe. Or maybe it’s our 1,400 years of experience. At home and overseas... There's No Magic Like The Magic Of Cancer™.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Strong. Stubborn. An island of strength in times of trouble. We’ll be there, just like we've always been. Leo—The Lion™.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    A newborn baby. Kittens. Summer mornings. Mountain streams. Mother's milk. And Virgo. Virgo Purity™.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You could trust the cards, or the tea leaves, or even the I Ching. Or you could just ask Libra and know for sure. Libra—It’s Going To Happen... Guaranteed™.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    In astrology, there are 12 star signs, but only one superstar. If It's Not Scorpio, It’s Just Stargazing™.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Where do top fire signs go for their own clairvoyance? You got it: Sagittarius—The Professional's Choice™.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    In today's world, knowing the future is more important that ever. Who do you trust to predict yours? Capricorn... Of Course™.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You're not just a date of birth. You're not just a number. And to us, you’re not just another person. At Aquarius, You're The Stars In Our Sky™.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    A young woman encounters trouble in her love life. She should have known. Why didn't she? She wasn't Pisces. It's Pisces, Or It's Fate™.

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