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Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.
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Horoscope for the week of December 3, 1997

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    There's only one place to turn for the kind of quality horoscopes you've come to depend on: Aries—A Sign Of Your Times™.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    When a small Earth sign challenged the industry giants back in 1933, nobody gave them a chance. Today, we’re one of the big 12. Taurus— We're Your Future™.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    We knew about that tall stranger. We told you about the journey over water. And tomorrow? Just wait ’til you see: Gemini—We Know™.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Is it the occulted moon? The music of the spheres? The cosmic resonance? Maybe. Or maybe it’s our 1,400 years of experience. At home and overseas... There's No Magic Like The Magic Of Cancer™.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Strong. Stubborn. An island of strength in times of trouble. We’ll be there, just like we've always been. Leo—The Lion™.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    A newborn baby. Kittens. Summer mornings. Mountain streams. Mother's milk. And Virgo. Virgo Purity™.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You could trust the cards, or the tea leaves, or even the I Ching. Or you could just ask Libra and know for sure. Libra—It’s Going To Happen... Guaranteed™.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    In astrology, there are 12 star signs, but only one superstar. If It's Not Scorpio, It’s Just Stargazing™.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Where do top fire signs go for their own clairvoyance? You got it: Sagittarius—The Professional's Choice™.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    In today's world, knowing the future is more important that ever. Who do you trust to predict yours? Capricorn... Of Course™.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You're not just a date of birth. You're not just a number. And to us, you’re not just another person. At Aquarius, You're The Stars In Our Sky™.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    A young woman encounters trouble in her love life. She should have known. Why didn't she? She wasn't Pisces. It's Pisces, Or It's Fate™.

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