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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Horoscope for the week of December 8, 2004

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Enjoy your position at the top of the food chain, because God is about to shake things up a little with the new Mountain Lion 2.0.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Singing underneath your true love's window seems romantic, but because of poor planning, you'll wind up seducing the convent's entire dormitory wing.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You're about to face yet another week of life-or-death struggles, but as usual, all you really have to do is remember to eat.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The idea behind judo is to make an opponent's strength work against him, making you immune to the martial art.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Many prophesied that you'd wind up wearing your ass for a hat, but they didn't predict that the fickle world of fashion would co-opt the look overnight.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The inner world of every person contains realms unimagined, but you should still be able to guess what your license-plate-collecting brother-in-law might like for Christmas.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Where there's life, there's hope. This week, your heart will become the home of many single-celled, fungal, and parasitic species of hope.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your inability to conduct both parallel and distributed computational processes will prevent you from being an integral component in next year's hottest laptops.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You will suffer terrible pain and emotional trauma, and all because someone put a diving board where it didn't belong.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    It's small-minded of him, but the detective investigating your death will suspect foul play simply because he would have tried to kill you himself.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You may march to the beat of a different drummer, but the important thing is that you're not being subversive and trying to walk on your own.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You'll be sued for slander, sexual harassment, inciting to riot, and a half-dozen other crimes when you decide to let your dancing speak for you.

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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