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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Horoscope for the week of February 18, 2004

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Religious leaders from around the world will agree that God seems to be reacting to your criticism rather harshly.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You've never believed in running away from love, but then again, you've never been on the business end of a coked-up rhinoceros' ardor before.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    It won't come as much of a shock to you, but according to your spouse and children, your replacement is doing one heck of a good job.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You might not like it, but even you have to admit that your foibles and predilections are accurately captured in the popular new parody version of you.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Once again, you've been nominated for an award in the prestigious "Most Engulfed In Flames" category.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    It's time to exploit your connections in order to get a better job. Start cozying up to the guy who handles the local classified ads section.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You've decided to take it as a compliment that all your lovers describe you as a wizard in the bathroom.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your life story will be a testimony to the healing power of love for nachos.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You'll realize that you're not like the others when a visit to a historic Civil War battlefield forever changes the way you feel about custom kitchen cabinetry.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will be hunted to the ends of the earth by torch-wielding opera traditionalists after enraptured reviewers refer to you as the "long-sought Fourth Tenor."
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You're getting closer to the secret of happiness all the time, but before this makes you too happy, you should hear the story of Achilles and the tortoise.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    By the time you get what you want, you've changed so much that you don't want it anymore, which sends the waitress into a rage.

More from this section

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

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