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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Horoscope for the week of February 2, 2000

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your next-door neighbor continues to pull her blinds down every night. Perhaps she's trying to hide something.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You finally think of that perfect comeback several days too late, but it wouldn't have affected the judge's decision in the least.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will be deeply disappointed to discover that the "hot new laptop" your boss promised you is just a computer.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The stars indicate that you are a warm, sweet, thoughtful person who deserves love and respect. They always pull that crap during pledge drives.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The presence of Venus, Mars, and Mercury in your sign just means there's one more party you won't get invited to this week.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The strange thing about your death won't be the freak water-buffalo stampede. It'll be the fact that you truly deserved it.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Avoid sexual relationships with your co-workers this week. You might not think they notice, but they do.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The stars are getting really tired of the way you only come to them when you need something. Did it ever occur to you that they might like a little help with their future for once? God.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You and your spouse should consider spicing things up in the bedroom this week. Why not try having some sex?
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    This is not a good week to start new projects. You're all out of tape.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Love looms large this next week. Have fun watching other people experience how great it is.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will feel cheated when you discover there's no law that says you have to be nice to old ladies.

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