Horoscope for the week of February 24, 1999

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Horoscope for the week of February 24, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Explorers will finally find the long lost city of Atlantis this week. All the evidence will point to you.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Excitement and romance are Taurus' lot this week when, dressed as a high-priced hooker, you infiltrate the Governor’s Ball and get free snacks.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You and your spouse find a good way to bring excitement back into the bedroom. Expect to be pinned down behind the bureau by small arms fire for the next several weeks.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The whimsical unicorn from the back of your denim vest will magically come to life and frame you for counterfeiting.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You will finally find your heart’s desire, but not in your first color choice.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Fewer things in life are as good and pure as you once believed. After Friday, you’ll cross "cute puppies" off your list.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Yet another perfect witchburning will be ruined by the presence of irritating smoke alarms. Consider finding a new apartment.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The courts will finally grant you access to your permanent record, but it contains only a disturbingly complete history of Menudo.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Make a move toward self-improvement this week. Mark the toes of your shoes with a large "L" and “R" as needed.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your parents will finally admit that your birth was the result of 1974's most ambitious and controversial 4-H project.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Events will teach you the hard lesson that money is not the most important thing in the world. Nice shoes are.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars are flattered you asked, but your future can only be read in steaming-fresh sheep entrails.