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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Horoscope for the week of February 26, 2003

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You have thoroughly wasted your potential over the past five years--years you could have spent deep-frying professionally.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    A fast-talking huckster sells you the Brooklyn Bridge for \$93.8 million, but it turns out it's all perfectly legal.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The ladies won't be able to keep their hands off you this week, thanks to a sharp new look consisting of tailored suits made from bubble wrap.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will experience a surge in popularity when talk-show host Wayne Brady publicly declares you his personal nemesis.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You will finally grow mature enough to accept your own mortality, just moments before the freak elephant stampede.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The community's response to your drunken riding-mower accident will start a hilarious national trend in roadside memorial art.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    That run for the record books once again falls short when you start Boston's all-time second-largest fire.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will be mentioned several times in Jack Palance's explanation of why he no longer does one-handed push-ups in public.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You are renowned for your kind and loving nature, thanks mainly to a crack PR team.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The increased precipitation in your area continues, thanks largely to that little black storm cloud that follows you everywhere.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    It's been quite a while since the stars mentioned the nurses chained up in your basement, but don't worry: They haven't forgotten they're down there.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The dying celebrity-boxing fad is revitalized when Ellen Cleghorne announces she's ready and willing to go 12 rounds with you.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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