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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Horoscope for the week of February 9, 2005

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your one-inch punch may be powerful, but it will prove to be no match for your adversary's 750-foot punch.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Your favorite T-shirt brings about your downfall when a literal-minded mob follows its instructions and fills you to the indicated line with margaritas.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will go against everything you believe in this week when you eat a steak less than an inch thick, drink a domestic Riesling, and hire a valet born outside of the British Isles.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Travel hinders your creativity when, for days after your flight, all your pottery designs refer to things you read in US Airways' in-flight magazine.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    There's nothing you love more than freshly baked bread, which makes you the most inhuman, boring person alive.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Many polar expeditions end in tragedy, but yours will conclude with the death of all hands before you even leave Kansas City.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will raise procrastination to an art form, providing dozens of industrious critics with a new livelihood.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Many years from now, you'll be the only living person who remembers David Lee Roth, which should not instill you with a great sense of responsibility to history.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You're fond of saying that there's more that unites people than divides them, a sentiment that is proven true when the Nepalese band together to destroy you.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You're not fat, but your lack of motivation means that most anecdotes about you end with the phrase "around the house."
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Many have felt the Love Which Dare Not Speak Its Name, but you'll experience the Love That Bellows Its Name Out A Crosstown-Bus Window All Day.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Your problem is that you have no sense of proportion, which is why you paid surgeons to enlarge your head and hands.

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