Horoscope for the week of January 29, 2003

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Strongside/Weakside: Serena Williams

Serena Williams is aiming to clinch a historic calendar Grand Slam at this year’s U.S. Open, forever enshrining her as the last American tennis player worth talking about. Is she any good?

The Pros And Cons Of Legalizing Prostitution

Several global advocacy groups, including the World Health Organization, Amnesty International, and Human Rights Watch, are calling for the decriminalization of prostitution, but many are fighting to keep the practice illegal, citing the moral, ethical, and practical concerns of condoning the sale of sex. Here are the pros and cons of legalizing prostitution:
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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House and Home

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Healthy Living

Horoscope for the week of January 29, 2003

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will be honored but embarrassed when Nobel Peace Prize winner Jimmy Carter visits you to "see if further trouble can be avoided."
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    It’s time to admit that you would be far better off living in a reputable rest home, despite being a healthy 28-year-old.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You’ll feel a greater sense of security once you finally get used to the strain of holding that ax over your head all day long.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    There’s trouble at work again this week as you continue to be undermined by your smarter, more charismatic black Secretary of State.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    They think they’ve won, but take heart: Only you know that they haven't found all the nurses yet.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The pain off your loss will fade with time, but every now and then you’ll swear you can still feel it itching.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Now that he's hit everything else, John Updike has no choice but to write about you.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    While it’s true that you’re a sharecropper's son, it’s because you forced your father to take up sharecropping at the expense of his lucrative banking career.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Accept it: She's dead, and nothing you can do will ever bring her back. Except, of course, for the Lazarus serum—but you promised her you wouldn’t...
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Though you never intended to be a role model for children, you must admit that your grindingly dull life makes you a pretty decent one.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    In spite of the praise, accolades, and awards, you can't shake the suspicion that they paid the caterer more.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Sure, life may seem pretty dark, but wonderful things are going to happen any minute now. Any minute now. Any minute now. Any minute now.